The Diaries of Nora Buchanan
by Sharon10
Summary: (Nora and Bo) Follow Nora's thoughts to herself as she slowly comes to realize that she's still in love with her ex husband Bo. Will they ever be able to start their lives over or are they simply destined to be each other's happily ever after? Stay tuned.
1. The Diaries of Nora Buchanan Part 1

Dear Diary,  
  
It sure is a hot day today. John says I complain too much about the air conditioner but come on it's 101 degrees in here. Any one in their right mind would be complaining. I wish they'd just fix the dam thing already.  
  
I don't really know what I'm supposed to say today other than I'm sorry. It's the anniversary of Drew's death. It's hard to believe he's been gone for so many years. I went to see him today. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do... especially when Bo showed up. I don't know what I was expecting. Of course he'd show up. It IS his son after all.  
  
We sat at his grave for what seemed like hours. We talked to Drew together like it was the most natural thing in the world... like he was still here. And then he went home. Why do I feel like I've just had my heart ripped out all over again? Why do I still want him to stay?  
  
I still don't understand why some of the things that happened had to happen. But most of all, I just feel this conflict between my head and my heart. My head know we're over. It tells me to move on and try to be as happy as I can be without him. And I am most of the time... well maybe not happy but content. And I'm fine with content.  
  
I don't want love. I don't want trust. Not the kind I gave to Bo because it will only hurt that much more when it's gone. My heart can't seperate what my head says and what I feel. My heart only knows that I want what I can't have.  
  
Why do I feel so lost when Bo leaves? Why do I feel so good when he's around? I know I'm not supposed to feel this way. We both have our own lives. I've even got a new love now. But... but I can't seem to let go of the past no matter how hard I try. I can't seem to let go of the memory of what we used to be.  
  
The question is, Do I really want to?  
  
Nora


	2. The Diaries of Nora Buchanan Part 2

Dear Diary,

I don't know why I'm suddenly so confused. I had my life planned out exactly how I wanted it to be. But I guess you don't always get what you want do you? Or maybe what you think you want turns out to be something else entirely.

I don't understand why being in Bo's arms has to feel so dam good... or so natural. It was as if I had never really left that familiar place at all. It's like instinct... even after all these years.

The minute we found out Asa was missing, all I could think about was Bo? Is that wrong? Is wanting to take his pain away so incredibly wrong? I don't know.

Everyone keeps asking me why I'm still here. I'm not sure I can honestly answer that question. I tell myself it's for Matthew, and I really believe it at the time. But if it was really just for Matthew then why Can't I bring myself to leave at the end of the day?

I have spent night after night on his couch, because... well... because I can't stand to think of him alone in this big empty house when he might need me. ME. Why would he need ME when he has what's her face? I can't even remember her name. Maybe I don't want to.

I'm not proud of the person I've become in her presence. I've actually thrown a drink in her face. and for What? Because she was messing with Bo's mind. He can take care of himself. I know that deep down. I just don't want to admit that he might not need me anymore.... because I still need him more than I care to admit.

What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't pretend that I don't feel these old familiar embers? And I can't admit that I do? I'm stuck somewhere bewteen letting go and moving on. Would somone just give me a sign? Please.

Nora


	3. The Diaries of Nora Buchanan Part 3

Dear Diary,

I guess I should be careful what I wish for. All I wanted was some kind of sign .... what I got was so much more. I wish I could say that it's helped clear my head, but in actuality it's done the exact opposiate.

Bo and I kissed... not the kind of kiss that is shared between friends... the kind of kiss that holds the promise of forever.

It was just one of those moments. You can blame it on my own foolish clumsiness. As usual, I wasn't looking where I was going and tripped. Bo was the one who caught me and our eyes then met in unison.

I could feel the heat between us before anything ever happened. We just stayed lost in the moment for what seemed like an eternity. Neither one of us was physically able to move.

And then it happened. He brushed the hair back from my face and looked deeply in my eyes. Then he took my face in his hands. I'll be honest... I wasn't sure what was happening. It's been a long time since I've felt any of that from him... and I didn't think I'd ever get half of what I did .

Before either of us could process what was happening, our lips had touched in a gentle kiss. I think we were both a little suprised that it had even happened. We pulled away breifly and stayed locked in that position. When I thought he was going to walk away, he pulled me into a very passionate kiss that lasted probably longer than it should have. I'll never forget what he said afterwards.

" I've been wanting to do that all night. "

Then it was over. the moment passed. We couldn't move for a good couple of minutes. Then he took me home. He brushed his hand across my face and was gone only a second later.

Oh God what is happening to me? I'm acting like a schoolgirl and it was only a kiss. Could I really be falling for him again? And if I am, then what the hell am I going to do about it?

Nora


	4. The Diaries of Nora Buchanan Part 4

Dear Diary,

I don't know what's happening to me. I can't seem to get my mind off of Bo. I wish I knew what was going on with us, but I don't think he knows either. We just seem to be heading down a road I'm not sure either of us are ready for. But what can I Do? I keep getting stuck in the past. I can't move forward. And I know I shouldn't look back. All we have is now. And right now my mind is waging a war with my heart. I know in my head I shouldn't want this... shouldn't want him... but my heart screams out for him to take me in his arms and kiss me again. That's all I've ever wanted... To be loved by Bo Buchanan... and I can't help but wish for a chance to make it right with him.

I finally ended things with Daniel. I can't even tell you how relieved I feel. Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in him. He was so far from the person that Bo is. And maybe that was the point wasn't it? If it wasn't him, it would of been someone else... anyone else. I just couldn't bear to be alone anymore. I guess I should of realized I was only lonely for Bo. It's time I stop using the next available man to get my mind off of the one I really want. It's not fair to any of us.

Bo came by today. I could tell he was searching for some kind of reason to be there but I told him that he didn't need one. Dosn't he know I'd give him anything I could if he'd just reach out to me? God I want him to stay. Why does it always have to be goodbye? Why can't we find a way to make it work this time? Dosn't he know that I want him above anyone or anything?

That's it isn't it? He dosn't know. Despite everything that has gone down between us, he still thinks I wanted out. How am I supposed to convince him that I love him when he has every reason in the world to believe that I don't?

How did I get to this place? I had it all when I had Bo. Everything I ever wanted was right there in my hands. But now here I am... alone and miserable... and the worst thing is that I probably deserve it. Do I even have the right to ask him to forgive me when I can't even forgive myself?

Nora


End file.
